choose your fighter: a holiday movie character showdown of the silliest proportions

To kick off the holiday content we decided to do something a little silly goofy, a little hehe haha, and a lot lololol. And so we each compiled a list of some of the most competent holiday movie characters we could think of (Yukon Cornelius, Buddy the Elf, Fievel, etc.) and put them in random pairings in which they must compete in some very whacky scenarios (who would be a better dog sitter, or wingman, or would win in a fight with noodle arms). 

We hope you enjoy this silliest of episodes. Please rate & review and reach out to us on socials with any thoughts you have to share. 

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Transcript

[get home from school turn on my TV who are these friends staring right back at me now that we're older-]

Hi, I'm Amanda.

And I'm Jessica, and this is 90s Babies Nostalgia, where two 90s babies are enjoying the holidays.

Just to be clear, we're not sponsored by nor affiliated with anything that we talk about. We're just a couple of silly goofy girls who like talking about the holidays and movies and media. And today we are doing something a little bit different. I can't even introduce this as like we're talking about, I guess we're talking about our favorite holiday characters. Favorite kind of, really not. bear with us, it's gonna be fun, okay?

Yeah.

But before we get into our like, choose your holiday fighter, as I've been calling it in my head, Jess, what is your like, favorite winter, not necessarily holiday, could be holiday could not be winter activity, as someone who has lived in the mountains, lived not in the mountains, etc.

Well, are we saying mountains are not mountains? I feel like they're different things.

Well, what is your favorite winter activity?

Okay, because I feel like this can be taken out of the mountains, I would say an apreski, which is basically, after you've done, so it stems from mountain culture of like, you've spent the whole day on the slopes, and then at 4pm, you're busting open champagne. Maybe you're having some apps, you're having some hot chocolate, you're having s'mores, maybe you're putting some Baileys in your hot chocolate. and you're all just unwinding and chilling and i would say that is one of my favorite things is just to have like a cozy afternoon with hot chocolate or a nice like warm cocktail and just eating some food and chilling and relaxing with the people you love 

That is lovely. The holidays are meant to be inside and cozy.

They really are. what is your favorite holiday activity winter activity?

So I do also really love a cozy like sitting by a window looking out at whatever with a nice warm beverage and reading a book. But I will say as a California girl born and raised now living on the East Coast. I do love snow. I don't love snow at the end of the season, but at the beginning of the season, it never fails to feel magical, the first snow and the second snow. And I love like going out and making a little snow angel in my puddle of snow because it's never that much where I've lived, but I still do it. And I love like walking around and catching the snowflakes in my hair and sticking my tongue out, even though I'm a fully grown woman and I look crazy. I don't care. It's fun.

Snow is, it does have that quality about it, but yeah, it just feels magical.

Yeah, something about it just like softens the world. Makes it feel clean and fresh. And then it like melts and is disgusting and you actually feel like it does the opposite of that, but at the beginning. So I guess my activity is going out in the first snow. I don't like just watching it. I want to be out in it.

Yeah, okay. I like that. I support that.

Thank you. I appreciate your support. Getting into our activity for today.

So we've been calling this Choose Your Fighter Holiday Movie Character Edition the way that it's gonna work. The point is to have fun, guys. But the way that it's going to work is I have two little mugs, which I am going to show the camera for all of our audio listeners. One with 15 characters that I have selected from different holiday films. These also include TV specials. And then the other one with all the characters that Amanda has selected. And I will pull one of each and then Amanda has a bowl of different scenarios that she has crafted. I don't know what these scenarios are. They are a secret to me. And then we are going to decide of the two characters which one would win.

That's literally it. I have a large goblet which my friend stole from a bar from me, threw it at my purse and said happy birthday after I had a piña colada out of it. And it has a bunch of random scenarios. And the only rule is that we must have fun and we must re must reach a consensus.

Yes.

We must decide. And each scenario is a two-parter. It will have ah a proper scenario and then a plot twist. So I have to say like yes sure you want your fighter to win, but ultimately we got to admit defeat when the time comes 

Mhmm

We have to be realistic about this

Yes

but you do want to put up a good fight

Yes. And to be a little transparent, at least for me, is I have done research on a lot of these characters. Some of them I'm very familiar with. Some of them I've only seen the movie once or twice. So we are going to try to do our best to fight with that. But these are not necessarily movies that we've seen like dozens of times for all of them. So um we may have general understandings of the characters, but not like deep rooted um knowledge.

And I think that this is going to come down to like who wins a lot of the time is like, if we can't argue for our characters, we don't know them that well

Yeah

but we did kind of, we went about this as like, how are we going to make our list? Well, we don't just want to like, we're too competitive. So we didn't just like write our favorite characters. We were like, no, who could win in like scenarios. So we had to like strategically pick people that we thought were strong pulls, but there's a few that we might not know as well as some others, but I know most of mine pretty well. And some of yours pretty well. So we'll make it work. It's going to be fun.

With that, would you like to get into round one?

Yes, do you want to pull the scenario first? 

No.

Or the characters?

I think we should pull the characters first.

Okay, okay, okay.

So pulling from which cup first?

I have my cup.

Mm-hmm. Who is your person?

From my cup is ah Lucy Van Pelt a Charlie Brown Christmas. And from Amanda's cup, I have the lesbians that raised the Grinch.

appropriate and our scenario is I'm setting the scene here. Some of these I wrote out like proper scenarios and others I wrote like a sentence, but this one's a proper scenario.

Okay, okay.

You're really drunk at a dive bar and you bumped into some guys and spilled drinks all over them and they're pissed and they want to kick your ass. But you managed to drunkenly charm them into a friendly game of darts. If you lose, they still get to kick your ass. But if you win, you get to go home scotch free. So. Again, you're very drunk. Which one of these two would you like to be on your darts team to save your ass? Lucy Van Pelt or the lesbians that raised the grinch?

Okay, if it's adding to your team, it are the characters also drunk with you or only you're drunk and they're sober?

So my plot twist is that they are also rooted

Oh, okay, okay, so first sober.

Yes!

Okay. Okay. Then it's definitely Lucy because she's super freaking competitive. She doesn't, she's so opinionated. She's bossy. She does not take no for an answer. She would freaking come up and crush the darts game. Also, if you were doing bad, she would fucking bully the shit out of you to the point that you would then be forced to do good.

Is Lucy the tomboy character the baseball player?

No, no, no, no. Lucy is the one,

I know who she is I know who she is 

she has like the short hair and the, she's like, I feel like she's known as the bully.

So Lucy's the bully. Does she have any athletic ability? Because, okay, also the lesbians, I gotta say it's a two for one. Morph them into one person so I'm not cheating.
 
Okay.

I still, I mean, they throw a good party. I feel like they're probably really good at darts.

I agree, but because they know how to throw a good party, I feel like they're not going to be able to whip you into shape when you are very drunk. They are just going to support the fact that you are drunk and you're going to continue to suck, where I know that Lucy will whip my ass into shape.

And if we plot twist that they are also zooted though.

I lose because Lucy's a child and she's probably never drank and we're screwed. We are literally fucked.

I agree, I agree. I think sober, you win. Drunk, I win because my ladies are functioning alcoholics.

Yes, yes, absolutely.

They don't need to motivate... See, and this is the thing why I think I could also maybe win sober. In fact, I think they probably are zooted regardless of plot twists. Like, and I think that and they don't need to motivate me to be good at it because they're on my team and they'll win for me.

Yeah, but you still have to be good to some extent, like you have to be throwing the darts.

Not if they're hitting bullseye every time and I'm off the board.

Fair, fair, fair.

Okay, so we're gonna give this, we're gonna give it a wash, it's a tie.

Yes.

But initial scenario goes to yours. Now, for round two.

We have, from my jar...The Old Man, Old Man Foster in a Christmas Story. And the Kringle Brothers from Santa Claus is coming to town.

if you are unfamiliar, I mean all of the like, dingle, jingle, whatever their names are, where they're like, it's a baby, kringle, a baby, what? Jingle, a baby, baby, mingle. Our baby's the best baby in them all. I want all of them because they're all they're sharing one brain cell anyway. And our scenario is. I'm so unserious. You're a bridesmaid at a childhood friend's wedding. The ceremony was beautiful, but with over 100 guests on each side, the reception is getting very rowdy. The venue has a strict deadline for everyone to clear out before they start charging extra, and the bride is getting anxious but can do nothing because it's her wedding day and she's too stressed. Who do you think could clear the reception hall the most effectively?

oh

We've got the Jingle brothers and we've got the old man. The only thing I know about the old man is he's like an office worker who's curmudgeonly and obsessed with his like fishnet lamp.

Mhmm mhmm He's also just like known for being very pessimistic, very stern, like using profanity in like inappropriate situations, but also for being being very handy. So I'm trying to determine if his handiness like if this was like Something came crashing down at the wedding and someone needs to fix it He would win.

I think, though, the Kringle brothers, like I think they're very...

There's so many of them. They're gonna like create a distraction and force everyone out of the room.

I also just think the Kringles are effective. They're efficient, they're effective, they they make all those toys all the time. I mean, they were making the toys even when they had no one to give them to. I feel like they would be able to like come up with a plan.

where I feel like the old man would just scream at everyone to the point that they would feel uncomfortable and want to leave. So I think eventually everyone would leave, but would it be the fastest?

I do think screaming could be a little more efficient than whatever the Kringles would do, because they wouldn't scream. but there i did choose i am you know I only did this a couple of times. We just so happened to pick the first two rounds, the ones where I put multiple. I only did it a couple of times, and both times was because they share one brain cell.

Yeah.

But in this scenario, it does give me an upper hand.

It does.

Now, I will say, plot twist, a fight broke out on the dance floor.
 
Oh, Old Man Foster takes no shit. He is not down with that.

also he's also a fully grown human adult 

Correct

and these are little men 

Correct. If a fight breaks out, I definitely win. Without the fight, I feel like there is a chance that the Kringle brothers come up with some crazy thing that everyone gets out. Faster.

I also think the Kringle brothers would just be like more down to help, right? Like they would, they would be like, this is an issue we need to solve. Whereas old man might be like, I don't care.

Yeah, he might be like, we're fucking leaving this wedding. Peace out, bitches. Leave the stress to you.

but then the fight breaks out and he's like, I'm over this shit and yells at them.

Yes, yes.

I think he could, and you know what scares people more than a terrifying father figure?

True.

So um I think we have to give it to the old man.

Okay, for both or for a fight?

In general, I'll give it to him.

Okay, okay, I'll take it. round three. I have Buddy the Elf and Amanda has Bert and Ernie from It's a Wonderful Life.

Three times in a row that I have multiple people, I swear I'm not trying to cheat the system. Again, these two people share one brain cell. Are you familiar with Bert and ernie?

No.

They are, I think, maybe not named after the Sesame Street characters, but no one's quite sure. They're like,

Okay.

Two drunk handymen, I think maybe one's a cop, maybe they're both cops. They're just kind of around in the film, singing songs and being jolly and not being very effective.

Okay, okay, okay.

Buddy the Elf I knew Jess was gonna choose So I didn't even go for him, but I knew he would be a wild card in this entire scenario, like entire, cause he's such a, he's such a character.

Yeah, yeah.

Our scenario is Buddy the Elf versus Bert and Ernie from It's Wonderful Life. Oh my God. I wrote this one specifically for you. There's a family emergency and you have to go see your family in person, but you can't bring Toby, specifically Toby, your dog.

Okay, okay.

And all of your trusted dog sitters are unavailable.

Oh, no.

Which one would you more trust to watch Toby?

Oh, god. Wait, and Bert and Ernie are chaotic, you said?

acab, but they are like friendly cops that are kind of just like drunk and having a good time the whole movie.

Okay, okay, okay. Drunk cops versus...

Are they even cops? Actually, they might be cab drivers.
 
Okay, context for our listeners and watchers. I have a very aggressive resource guarding dog. He is a behavioral case that we rescued. So he is not to be trusted with most people.

I was right in both ways. Bert is a policeman and Ernie is a cab driver. 

Okay

And they are friends who who hang out.

Here's the problem, Buddy the Elf has never been in the human world. However, he is good with animals. So I could see him connecting with Toby and them forming a bond and getting along. Now, could he prevent a disaster such as Toby biting someone from happening? Confidence, low. A cop and a taxi driver, I feel like they would make sure that shit was on lock and that no disasters were happening.

they I mean, even drunk as they often are and like singing and having a good time, they are generally like the supporting resourceful side characters that I agree. I think they would like take it seriously enough to get the job done and make sure he wasn't harming anyone.

Yeah, where Buddy the Elf is like processing the human environment for the first time while now having a very challenging dog. And I just don't see all of that mixing together well. I know I'm supposed to be fighting for my fighter, but in this case, i don't have I don't have a lot of confidence.

No, I think that he would have so much enthusiasm 

Yes

that it would like probably scare Toby.

And then when Toby would get aggressive, he would then get scared and like probably go hide on your your patio and cry.

yeah 

But plot twist, in case this impacts anything, they have roller skates stuck to their feet.

okay lowkey i feel like buddy the elf could handle this situation really good because anything that's childlike he excels at

I think the roller skates somehow might give him the upper hand.

I do because I feel like two drunk men on roller skates is a recipe for disaster. But Buddy the Elf on roller skates, he is having the time of his life and he is efficient and he is quick and there's a situation happening and he can just skate away, baby.

Yeah, the skates are kind of like what music while I'm working is to me, where it's like it's it's controlling that part of his ADHD so that the rest of him is working better.

Yes

And a couple of men who aren't accustomed to skates, like I definitely think Buddy would be better on skates than Bert and Ernie would. And if they're not accustomed to skates, then they're gonna be falling more and upsetting Toby more And that's ultimately the goal is we want to upset Toby as little as possible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think this one goes to Bert and Ernie regular with the plot twist It's gotta to go to buddy.

Are you having a good time?

Yeah, these are really funny. I wasn't sure what sort of scenarios you would come up with. I knew they were gonna be silly. Amanda kind of told me like, oh, like, someone has to like, decorate 100 Christmas trees in record time. Like, you know, gave me examples of like, maybe she would do things like that, but didn't tell me what they were. So I had an idea of the direction we were going, but these are fantastic.

Thank you. One day I just sat down and they flew out of me and now I have 16 in a cup.

All right, I have a Cindy Lou who from the Grinch 

Mhmm A little eight-year-old.

versus Jack Frost in Santa Clause 3.

Okay, first of all, is Cindy Lou who from the grinch, the Taylor momsen eight-year-old or are we going no more than two?

No, Taylor momsen eight year old.

Yeah, you're welcome. Jack Frost from the Santa Clause 3, the escape clause I want to say it is, is the ah the one play played by Martin Short, who was described by a critic as a cross between Liza Minnelli and Liberace, which I found to be incredible.

Scenario. Sorry, each one is making me giggle like I didn't write these myself. Your dumbass went off the hiking trail and got lost on a mountain. Who would you rather run into in the middle of the woods? Cindy Lou Who? Or Jack Frost from the Santa Clause, the one that's trying to steal Santa's job and take over the North Pole?

Oh, definitely, Cindy Lou Who. She's brave. She could get you out of those woods. She's charming. She's so nice and friendly. She sees the best in people.

I gotta disagree. I mean, she can't get you out of those woods. She's nice, sure. But she's gonna be totally directionless, just like, I don't know, maybe we can climb a tree or something. Whereas Jack Frost is a mythical being. He sits at a round table of other mythical beings. He has magic, he freezes people, he can get you out.

Yeah, the mythical, the magic definitely is an upper advantage here.

Yeah, I think he can get you out.

I feel like I can't compete against magic without any magic.

I mean, and that's just the nature of the list, baby.

I know because like, I do actually have confidence that she could get you out because girl is down for an adventure. She climbs out that mountain all by herself. So I feel like she if there's a will, there's a way like she would figure it out. But she can't beat magic. It's just not happening.

No. Plot twist. They actually have a cabin nearby in the middle of the woods. Who do you think has better intentions here?

Oh, Cindy Lou.

Yeah, I gotta give it to Cindy Lou

She has better she has nothing evil. She's not trying to win anyone over. She's not trying to steal the seed of anyone. She's got good, honest intentions.

Yeah, whereas Jack Frost is the villain and kind of terrifying. Like he's probably the most memorable character out of that franchise, despite only being in one film, and he's still ah terrifying.

I don't know if I've ever seen, oh, I have seen this and Yes Agreed. He is absolutely terrifying. I'm not going into a cabin with that man.

He even like while because he's trying to take Tim Allen's position as Santa Claus because remember it like moves from Santa to Santa he finds this like loophole where he's trying to take over his life and he freezes some people like petrifying them and then I think he's also like trying to hit on his wife a bit and he does successfully for a time like take over and he looks even creepier with the suit on.

Oh, yeah, do not love.

But like also, he gets shit done. But no, if he's inviting me into his cabin in the woods, I'm not going.

No, no.

And then he's petrifying me and taking me in anyway and I die.

Yes, correct.

Okay, next round. I don't know what round we're on, like five?

Yeah, I think five or six, maybe five, five, five. I have The Grinch from The Grinch. And you have Bernard from Santa Clause.

All right.

Which is the elf, the head elf.

Yeah, he's mainly like the lackey you see keeping Santa in charge of that franchise. this is a great scenario for both of these characters.

Okay, okay.

Santa's elves all got COVID the week before Christmas, and you've been called in to wrap millions of presents in time.

Oh, no.

Who could get the job done? to wrap millions of presents the week before Christmas. I mean, it's gotta to be Bernard. My man is literally head elf.

Yeah, the problem. Okay, if we're talking Grinch at the end of the movie, I feel like he would have the intentions to help save Christmas and help Santa Claus.

Except even at the end of the movie when he likes Christmas, he still hates the consumerism. See, this is the thing.

He does and he hates presents.

I think they could both get the job done. I just don't think the Grinch would.

Yeah. 

It's gotta be Bernard.

It has to be Bernard because, yeah, I agree with you. The Grinch probably could find a way, but he's not motivated.

We'll see if the plot twist makes any difference because plot twist, you run out of wrapping paper halfway through and have to find an alternative.

The Grinch has so much trash, all of the trash in the world. like but What is but what is um ah Bernard using? Because the Grinch has so much trash, cardboard, paper bags, bottles to put things in, boxes. like He could definitely figure out a way to use all of his trash to wrap these presents.

I mean Bernard does live in Santa's workshop in the North Pole and in both scenarios I'm imagining they're out there and I think they're both incredibly resourceful and inventive and could solve the situation. I do think the Grinch is like a little more inventive. He's more creative I would say because Bernard is very like by the rules, by the book, you know?

Yeah, where the Grinch does not live by the rules.

In absolutely no way.

That one's hard. I feel like both of them could get it done.
 
I think they both could. And I almost feel like, and again, I should not be arguing for your side, but it's fun to do. I love Bernard. I think Bernard could win both scenarios. But the issue that we have with the first scenario and that the Grinch is absolutely not motivated, I kind of feel like throwing him the curve ball that you ran out of wrapping paper could motivate him because then he'd be like, oh, well, now it's a fun challenge.

yeah. And at least we're reusing some things that are like trashing up his mountain.

Better for the environment.

mm-hmm mhmm 

But if we're going ultimate attitude, Bernard's going to get the job done every time.

Yeah, yeah, he's more motivated to get the job done. I think in the plot twist, it may take him a little bit longer. So the Grinch might actually be faster because he has the resources locked and loaded.

Yeah, but would he use them? Would he do it?

Yeah, it's a toss up.

Okay, next round.

We have Ralphie from Christmas Story, who is the um little boy, yes.

The little boy, right? With a BB gun.

Yeah, he wants a bb gun. Versus Bumble from Rudolph.

I love me some bumble. He's the abominable.

Who's the abominable snowman

Yes. The zombie apocalypse has broken out. 

Oh no

Who do you want on your side to keep you or your ass alive?

There's no way I win in this situation! There's no way! Like, I can't even argue. What the hell is Ralphie doing for me? He's cute! Zombies are attacking us!

Like that little BB gun ain't doing shit.

No, well, and here's the thing, he wants it for Christmas. Let's say we have the BB gun. It's still, maybe we're fighting off one zombie with that. Other than that, I'm having to mother a child through a zombie apocalypse. Like, that's not helpful. I would much rather have an Abominable Snowman.

And shown by the end of the film, Yukon Cornelius gets that abominable snowman into shape and he's quite loyal. So I do think, yeah, in a zombie apocalypse, he would be the ideal companion to keep you alive.

Yes, agreed. He could also just like take the zombies by the foot and just like chuck them.

Now plot twist.

Okay.

They were bitten before you teamed up.

Oh. Then we knew Ralphie because I could fight off Ralphie as a zombie. I could not fight off the abominable snowman turning into a zombie.

I know! 

Like you're fucked. You're screwed.

Knowing what the plot just was, arguing, like, obviously Abominable wins, like, first time, but I was just imagining in the back of my head Abominable Snowman turning into a zombie, and that's terrifying and also needs to be a movie.

Yes

Like, that would be a great Christmas movie.

Yeah, it also could be like a Christmas horror film.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Yeah, yes.

Bumble turned into a zombie is what I need in life.

Yeah.

Okay.

We're both like, we could take a zombie kid.

I definitely could. I actually feel like I would be quite resourceful and good in a zombie apocalypse.

I agree, I would want you on my team.

Yeah. Okay, we have a Kevin McAllister from Home Alone.

The one and only.

Yes.

Very resourceful kid.

Very resourceful. And then we have Eloise from Eloise at Christmastime.

Honestly, another very resourceful kid. 12 of your closest friends have shown up to your house as a surprise party, but it's so half-assed they didn't bring any food or drinks. You're starting to have a meltdown because it's your birthday and now you have to host everyone, but you also want to celebrate your birthday and you're really stressed. Who would be better at A, calming you down and B, hosting a kick-ass party? Honestly great scenario for both of them because I think both of them would be great hostesses hostess hostess hosts hosts

Yes, because Kevin is like - host - is a very like quick thinker and a problem solver. And I feel like he would like jump to action and try to figure things out.

But Eloise is a good time. She's a meddler, which means she's a good time. She loves the people. She's a princess of the people. She lives in the Plaza Hotel.

Yeah.

Like she's been around some swanky ass parties.

Yeah, where Kevin just craves independence, which I feel like is the part that would be the hardest challenge to work through.

i Does he crave independence or does he crave companionship and constantly get neglected? Is that not a movie about child neglect?

Well, yeah, it is. part of his character is that, like, he just wants to be alone. He, like, loves the idea of, like, mundane tasks and being, like, an adult. Which then I feel like that that could be useful.

Yeah.

He's just very creative, where I'm like, this is a situation that needs quick thinking problem solving, which he got, but he also might be like, mm, party, I don't wanna be part of this, bye.

for some reason that scene where he like fills the house with with stuff to make it seem like there's a party happening in the house makes me think he would be good in this scenario.

Yeah.

But I also like need to realize that that's not a party that he's throwing those are just cardboard cutouts in a movie he's playing. I think Eloise would throw a better party but the first part of the question is who would be better at calming you down. And I think Okay, I'm not sure actually because I think Kevin would be good at it initially. I think he's more mature. 

Yeah

But Eloise is like a little matchmaker. Like she can have like conversations and stuff.

Also I'm like, Kevin has 15 siblings. So like he is used to having to calm people down, like have to like navigate different sibling emotions. So I feel like he could handle someone in a intense emotional state very well.

Does he calm them down though, or does he aggravate them?

Well,

And again, she lives in the plaza, which is one of the most expensive hotels in the country, right off Central Park, full of people. She's meeting all kinds of characters.

Yeah, also I have to say like in perspective of my birthday party, I know I'm not supposed to be arguing for you, but like the food that Kevin would source, he likes plain cheese pizza, box mac and cheese. Like he is not a man of taste where I feel like Eloise living at the Plaza Hotel could go and source you some very delicious food.

This feels like a really good time for my plot twist. And it's maybe the dumbest plot twist I wrote

Okay 

because I don't even know how to think through this one And that's saying something after I revealed to you that roller skates were stuck to people's feet. This is the 1200s.

Oh

We are all living in the 1200s and only have that applicable technology. Do I know what the 1200s looks like as opposed to the 1300s? No. I just chose an old-ass medieval times. This is medieval times.

Oh no. Okay, then I feel like it has to be Kevin because he's incredibly resourceful.

I kind of agree because I was thinking like the unfortunate thing about these kids is they're both great resourceful kids, but they're both very much like a product of their time.

yeah 

Like both very entrenched in that late 90s, early 2000s resources. But I think when it comes to ah adapting to having no tech or very, very low abilities, he would be quicker than she would.

Yeah.

Also, it was in the 1200s we like didn't let girls do anything.

Yeah, yes.

Well, they were servants. She could probably, I bet in the 1200s she would cook better than he would.

Yeah, but he would be friends with all the people who could cook and he would source the food and get it for you. Because he's cute.

Yeah, he would be running the inn and she would already have a baby.

Yeah, oh my god, fucked up. We give it to Eloise for regular and Kevin for plot.

Yeah, for your birthday.

we have a Zero from Nightmare Before Christmas-versed.

I love that you have two dogs on your list. It makes me giggle.

Yeah, kind of shows where my mind's at. I just love the animals, you know?

And then we have Amanda Woods from The Holiday.

Okay, Amanda Woods is Cameron Diaz's character. She is a big Hollywood movie trailer editor. Make of that what you will.

Okay. Hollywood movie trailer editor. Okay.

looking to escape her life. She starts the movie by throwing her boyfriend out of her house. It's really great. I love the holiday. You're lost in a new city. This would have been a great one for Kevin McAllister. Who do you think would be better at helping you find your way? Zero?

Oh no!

Or Amanda from the holiday? I mean, one of them's a human.

Amanda also, sure, but she doesn't sound like she would be motivated to help you find your way.

So yeah have you ever seen the holiday?

yes, but not in forever.

So the it's a house swap between oh my god, my cat is nuzzling.

I do know it, yes.

It's a house swap between big time movie trailer editor from LA and um Kate. ah What's her last name? Kate from the Titanic. ah Whatever. You know who I'm talking about. The girl from the Titanic.

Yeah.
 
rose. she um lives in like a tiny little cottage in the suburbs and they house swap and Cameron Diaz is like struggling in her stilettos down these snowy cobblestone streets and is like ready to give up after 24 hours because this town sucks and then she buys a bunch of wine and takes a bath 

Yes. I do know this movie.

Okay, okay so so I still think Amanda has the upper hand because like she has a cell phone. It is 2006, so it doesn't really have like Google Maps. I think where Zero excels is that he's a ghost and he floats around.

Correct. And he can shapeshift. But I'm like, in this current scenario, it doesn't really help that he can shapeshift because what

I didn't even know he could.

What is he, yeah, what is he sheepshifting into that could help me get unlost?

Yeah, yeah.

You know?

I think he'd be more down to like float around and explore and then lead you where you need to go. But in terms of like solving the problem, Amanda is also very like type A.

Yeah, I feel like Zero is taking me to where he wants to go. The smells he wants to smell, the bones he wants to chase. He's not getting me where I need to go. I'm still lost.

This is true.

You know?

He is a dog. Ghost dog. The plot twist doesn't really impact this.

Okay.
 
which it could have if I had argued that also Amanda is probably better traveled than Zero is 

Yeah

and like knows places. The plot twist is they also have never been to this city before because when I was writing this I was imagining like Buddy the Elf would tell you where to go very confidently but if he's never been in the city then you'd he would still confidently tell you where to go and that would be a mess. In this case I think the plot twist doesn't really matter I still think Amanda takes it.

Yeah, I agree. I needed a scenario where shape shifting or being invisible would come in handy.

I didn't realize he could do that. I do think Max the dog could help you in that scenario better than Zero could.

Agreed. Gizmo from Gremlins 

Mhmm

versus...

I tried to take all the gremlins, guys. Jess wasn't down for that.

No. I guess they all are inherently one. Once I started thinking about it, I was like, okay, I get how Amanda was arguing that, but I'm like, no, you have to get Gizmo. Versus Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph.

Oh man, Yukon Cornelis can do anything. Let's see what this is. Oh, I don't know if he can do this. Okay.

You know what he can do? Serve looks is what he can do.

You know, now that you say that, he does kind of look like your husband.

Yeah. He really does.

You're gonna love this after that. You're single, lonely, and horny.
  
Okay.

Who would be a better wing person? Yukon Cornelius or Gizmo? I feel like this is where I benefit from choosing humans.

Wait, wait, wait. You're single, lonely, and horny.

and And really horny if you're out on the town you need you want to find someone to hook up with who would be a better wing person 

A wing person.

Yeah, someone who's gonna like help you find someone to hook up with That's true

So where Gizmo would come in handy is he's very cute and people are attracted to their cuteness.

Also, though, you may get questions on why you're walking around with a gremlin.

You might, but also that means people are talking to you.

Yeah, more people I feel like the interest of walking into a bar, horny and looking for someone to fuck, with a cute little gremlin with big old ears, the problem is, anywhere that you would go, where you're like lonely and horny, I feel like there's a chance that there's water and you're really with risking a big issue with bringing the gremlin. So,

you're thinking that Gizmo would do what like a dog does to men, where it just like immediately makes them more attractive right like

Yeah

However, yes, you would be

It brings in the suitors.

You would be at risk of them losing gizmo absolutely losing his shit and destroying everything.

Yeah.

Versus... Sorry, remind me who mine was again? Oh, Yukon.

Yukon.

Yukon Cornelius can get a job done, baby.

Yeah. Also, here's where I think Yukon would really help you out is if you are looking for a lady and you're going to a gay bar

Oh

I feel like people would naturally be attracted to him. Women would come up to you. Men would come up to you. Everyone would come up to you. You could get a hot girl. He could be flirting with someone else. Like, I feel like he could really benefit you.

You really just gave me my case and I love that you think this much about Yukon Cornelius. I think, you know, for being someone who's like out on his own all the time, he shows in that movie that he clicks with all kinds of people very easily. All the misfits are his friends and he tames Bumble.

Yeah.

I think he would be great. I do think he would be a little distracted like not great at like singing my praises. 

No

People might be more into him than they are me.

Mhmm But in the end, I think the rate of success is going to be higher than the rate of success with Gizmo because the potential for disaster with Gizmo is way too high.

That is true. Now plot twist. They're starting to fall in love with you.

oh

question mark

I feel like Yukon wins because I do not want Gizmo in love with me. I don't know how to navigate that situation.

Yeah, after you just sang Yukon Cornelius' praises and talked about how hot he is and how everyone would be want to talk to him, I feel like there's no way I don't win that one.

Yeah, yeah, not at all. All right, next scenario, we have Fievel from an American Tail. I really went for the animals.

I also tried to take fievel, but I couldn't spell his name correctly.

Correct, you lost. Against the dyslexic, who can't spell anything. Versus Hot Lawyer, the Hot Lawyer from Miracle and 34th Street.

You have a book report due in 12 hours and haven't started the book. Who do you think would help you get an A on your paper?

Oh, fuck.

I'm so sorry. I think Fievel would give it a good effort.

Yeah, I do.

But also Fievel exists in a world where he's denied school because he's Jewish.

Yeah. I think that Fievel would try to write this book report, but he's uneducated and also a mouse.

This is true. Plot twist. Neither of them have ever read a book. And that includes my lawyer. Neither of them have ever read a book.

Okay, then I think that Fievel might win because Fievel is resourceful. He also just like is good at making things happen when the circumstances are terrible.

I kind of think the lawyer could still have a good shot because I'm imagining he's a lawyer from like the times when there wasn't much printed word but they would just like vocalize a lot like he could probably like dictate a really good report that you could write or something but I do think Fievel has a better shot like I think Fievel could get you like a B or a C 

Yeah

but I think my lawyer is winning 

Yeah I agree

man him being hot had no bearing on that that's so disappointing

I know, disappointing. You needed it for the, and maybe they're in love with you.

I know. It's fine, I won that one anyway.

Yep. All right, next up we have Max from the Grinch, back to my animals, versus Hermey from Rudolph.

And our scenario of Max versus Hermey is... You're fighting an alien invasion and Earth's last hope. A super hero, dare I say. Who would you rather have fighting alongside you?

Oh, I think Max!

I kind of think so too.

yeah like dogs are quick he could scare things off with his bark he could alert you to trouble he also like can smell things out and i don't know i feel like he would just be very handy where what the hell is this blonde little elf doing 

Also, Max is very loyal 

very loyal

and has a good moral compass 

Yeah

versus a Hermey is like, fuck off. Like, and I get he's ostracized, but he he has to be convinced to come back in and help. He very much is happy to like live his own little life doing his little dentist stuff when he has no one's teeth to even inspect.

Yeah, and I just don't think that's that beneficial in an alien invasion, unfortunately.

No, I agree. I agree. I think he's too single-minded on his dentistry and not enough on fighting aliens. 

Yeah. Where Max is just like, whatever you need to do, I'm going to be there for you in the moment. And if that is fighting aliens, he's going to support you in that.

Plot twist, they are an alien.

Oh. But I think Max's loyalty to you would out withstand his loyalty to the other aliens, therefore still being more beneficial.

That's what I can't decide, is would he be more loyal to the aliens?

No, I don't think so.

Do we think Max could double agent you? Because I know for a fact that Hermey couldn't. You would know exactly where you stood with Hermey.

No, I don't think he could. I think he's gonna be loyal to his owner. He's gonna be loyal to you, not the aliens.

Oh, you think you own him. I thought we were partners. My bad.

oh I guess partners but like when it's a dog you have to like if your dog is the partner in this situation you have to like walk it and feed it and do all these things so it does have a level of attachment to you that like this little blonde elf's not gonna have

I am also just imagining Max, like Air Bud style flying a jet from like Independence Day, if you've ever seen it. Like I'm just imagining him behind a steering. I don't remember what they're called. Like I don't think it's a wheel, but for ah a plane, you know, I could see Max doing that the way Air Bud could do anything.

oh yeah yeah Yes, yes, I think Max wins.

Yeah. Also he has flying experience from the sled. Kind of.

Mhmm. He does.

Yeah, I got get gotta give, gotta give it to him.

All right, we have Jack Skellington, Nightmare Before Christmas versus the Winter Warlock in Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

Oh, that is a good matchup. That is a good matchup. Watch it be something really stupid. Our scenario is... Oh my God, it is something really stupid.

You need someone to crush a hot dog eating contest with you. Who do you choose?

oh no oh no 

Okay, I think I could argue both sides.

I don't know that i could argue either side jack is all bones

I know, but what I'm thinking here is that he doesn't have a stomach. Could he just like shovel them in and like not have to deal with like the throat closing or the stomach getting full because they're just like going through?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the Winter Warlock is a big guy. He lives in the cold. He needs lots of calories. And he has magic, but his magic is like hit or miss. But I do think he could be helpful.

I also just like, I don't know that Jack is actually that. Let's say he doesn't have a stomach, so he's able just to just eat and eat these hot dogs. I feel like that is the only scenario in which he wins.

yeah would he be disqualified really depends on the rules is that is that skeletonism is that is that you know prejudice against those without organs 

Yeah I don't know

could you have a lawsuit and win a lot of money 

Probably 

plot twist the second round of this food eating contest is a hot pepper eating contest 

Oh, Jack wins.

Unfortunately, I do think the one that doesn't have taste buds, also the Winter Warlock is literally all white.

no, there's definite, Jack is winning with the hot pepper.

Can you imagine the winter warlock eating a spicy pepper

Yeah, no, no, no.

He would melt. 

Yeah. All right, we are gonna do one more, but maybe two more, depending on how we're feeling. This one is Ebenezer Scrooge in the Christmas Carol, which might, it could either come in handy or be terrible, depending on the scenario, versus Martha May Whovier in The Grinch.

Uh Martha May Whovier

Hmm, Whovier, Whovier.

And our scenario is...Of course this is the one I get Martha May for. They're in a literal physical fight, who wins?

between each other? 

Yeah

Oh, Ebenezer Scrooge, the only way he doesn't win is he gets distracted by her hotness, which could be possible, but I think he wins.

No, I think he's old. 

He is old

I think he's old and she could kick ass.

Yeah

She lives alone. And she's very shallow. So she's probably on that Pilates like she's got muscles.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Also, she could distract him with her tits and she would that's the thing she knows how to weaponize her sexuality.

Yeah. Yeah. I forgot about the age. I definitely think... Yeah. Ebenezer Scrooge is a little curmudgeon-y and very... Maybe his strength, I don't know, is his strong suit.

Plot twist, they have noodles for arms.

Oh.

They both have noodles for arms and they're in a physical fight.

This is the film short I need to see.

Martha May Whovier and Ebenezer Scrooge with noodle arms just like.

I literally don't know who wins, but I need to see this. I need to see it.

I think the scrooge heh the scrooge ebenezer Scrooge might actually win because he's such an angry old man and that he would just like slap her until she passed out versus I think she would be too like annoyed by the inconvenience of having noodles for arms.

noodles for arms, yes, agreed, agreed.

She could still weaponize her hotness, and he is still old, but I think he would be more persistent and she wouldn't be able, like, I just think she'd be too distracted.

yeah, I think she would get over it and he would be determined. And also I feel like having the noodle arms gives him an advantage to kind of just like keep moving and moving and slapping and slapping and kind of create distance away from her getting in any shots.

I agree 

Okay, one more.

Yeah.

All right, final one is the sticky bandits from Home Alone.

Which is Joe Pesci and the other guy, right?

Yeah, Harry and Marve are their character names.

I didn't realize they were called the sticky bandits.

Yeah, or the Wet Bandits too, 

Ew

but I don't know that one sounds grosser Thank you. I'm glad you had the same reaction. say Versus Carla Dunkler, Bad Moms Christmas.

This is Katheryn Hahn's character in the Bad Moms franchise. She's chaos. She's a single mom raising a teenage boy. Her mom ah shown in this episode or in this movie is played by Susan Sarandon and her mom's name is Isis. um She had a terrible mom and is not a great mom, but she is drunk and also down to do things. That was not a great succinct. I just wanted to include Katheryn Hahn. Scenario.

Remind me who your person is?

the sticky bandits from Home Alone.

Right, okay. You are the only person who showed up for the pub quiz out of your usual weekly team. And the prize is a once in a lifetime concert experience. So you really, really want to win. Who do you think would be better at helping you win this pub quiz?

Mm.

I'm going to be honest, Carla's not real well educated. I'm pretty sure she's a dropout. I do think she would know a lot about pop culture.

Yeah, that's my thing. It's like Harry and Marve have a lot of street knowledge and they're also very greedy and would be very motivated by winning an experience, but they're not the smartest.

They're pretty dumb.

Yeah.

I think Carla's more resourceful. She is like, she's a dropout. I'm assuming. But she is raising a teenage boy as a single mom, which means she has a level of can do it that I don't know the bandits do because they are foiled by a 10 year old boy.

Yeah, the bandits are pretty, like they can be pretty clever and pretty sneaky, but I just don't think that helps you in a pub quiz. Like you need hard facts, you need knowledge. And the knowledge that they have is like, how do we break into someone's house? Oh, let's impersonate as someone else who needs to go into the house so then we can get in there and steal all their shit. Like that's not helping you in a pub quiz.

I mean, I agree. And I think that Carla could like talk herself out of a lot of things. Also, she's a, I don't know what the technical term for this is, but she waxes people for a living. So she meets a lot of interesting people and she's not really scared of anything.

Yeah, and those positions tend to just be a lot of conversations. So she probably has clients that are really smart. So she learns things from them. Also having a teenager like she learns things from him. He probably comes home and tells her things he learned at school. I think in either scenario, unfortunately, you're not winning the pub quiz, but I do think Carla is getting you more points.

I agree now, plot twist, the pub quiz is in a different language.

Oh no, they both suck.

Here's the thing. I think this is where the cunning street smarts of both of our characters works 

Yeah

because then it's not about winning the quiz. It's about talking themselves into winning the quiz or stealing the quiz and fudging the answers or something.

Oh, yeah. Yes, I think finding the answers of the quiz

Mm-hmm.

the sticky bandits would be awesome at. Harry and Marve would find a way to grab that, get that answer sheet.

I think that Carla would sleep with whoever or seduce whomever is in charge so that you would win by default.

Okay, okay, okay.

Yeah, I don't know that she would necessarily whore herself out so so thoroughly, but I think she would at least seduce them, weaponize her sexuality. She's not above that.

Okay,

So which do we think would be more accurate in that?

Well, I feel like there's a higher risk with them stealing the answer sheet, which would definitely be the way that they did. They're not doing something else. They're not clever enough, but they are clever enough to find a way to steal the answer sheet, but they might get caught. And I feel like your way is ah an easier way to ensure victory.

I agree. I also think sexuality knows no language.

Yeah, you're cheating the system baby.

And that means I get to win with a woman whose name I hardly know, but you know what? It's Katheryn Hahn. And that makes a lot of sense.

Yep, yep. Well, we hope you enjoyed this. It was really, really fun. Silly, goofy. If you enjoyed it, give us ideas of other choose your fighter, even like similar scenarios that we could do. And let us know who you would like to see.

Yeah

Like if we did a future episode, we've missed your favorite holiday movie characters. Like maybe we could do another edition with some of your favorites.

Do you want yeah you want to hear the last two scenarios that I had?

Sure.

You have 24 hours to get all of your holiday shopping done. Who's the biggest help? Plot twist, you have no money. Holiday bandits would have crushed at that.

Oh Yeah, damn.

you have to perform in your fourth great talent show. Who would be the better duet partner? But then Plot Twist, you were signed up for juggling.

oh god I was gonna say I was like Cindy Lou who would come in handy with juggling.

Nah, that one would be all buddy.

Oh buddy too

That would be all buddy.

the last two match up that we didn't get to guys was frosty the snowman and clarance oddbody, which would have been funny.

Yeah, but I also feel perfectly acceptable leaving them out of any and all conversations.

Agreed, agreed. We hope you enjoyed getting a little silly with us. Next up, we are going to cover the sex lives of college girls season three, just because we both love this show so much and we want to talk about it a little bit with y'all. With that follow us on all of our social media. 90s Babies nostalgia on YouTube and Instagram, spell out the word nineties. We're also on TikTok, but use the numericals there. Also rate and review us on Apple podcasts and Spotify and comment and DM us. We love interacting with you. um And with that, we hope that you are enjoying the kickoff to the holiday season and we will see you in the next one.

Happy holidays. Bye.

Bye!

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